I<3IYU

just realised that i've not been blogging for so long.
almost a month..
amazing!!
my blog is like half dead, or already dead??

hmms..
well, saw that my last post is on 2april.
who knows, alot of things changed after 2nd april
ya, i couldn't imagine that so many things could happen..

basically i was working,
yea, you guys will say,
" you work? yayaya i know i know, sit and play computer rite?"
i can no longer laugh and joke and say
"HEY, DONT PLAY LA.."

i will get very pissed, and fuck you up side down.
i don't wanna mention more..
really..

alot of things..
you wouldn't understand.
sometime, i don't know what i want either.
i don't know what is my next move,
i don't know what is my aim..
i can't see my future..

i really want to help mom..
when i see her so tired, so restless..
getting older and older..
heartaches.

part of me don't want to face the bloody fact,
the other part of me really wanna do something for her..
im in a fucking dilemma status.

you know,
alot of scene flash through my mind..
one of it is,
i keep asking myself,
" what am i doing now?"
i even think that studying now is like fucking wasting my time
like what's the point?
i cannot find any more reasons to study you know.
you guys study for passion, for future, for whatever shit.
what about me?

told mom the same thing yesterday ( yea i was back there)
she just ask me to hang on..
yea.. hang on..

i don't know how to express my feelings..
2010, i happened to know alot of things.
alot of great changes happened..
so stunned, so lost..
forget it..

happy birthday xx,
i hope u enjoyed the meals today!!
it burn a bloody big hole to my pocket la!!

love you forever machi!