I<3IYU

just realised that i've not been blogging for so long.
almost a month..
amazing!!
my blog is like half dead, or already dead??

hmms..
well, saw that my last post is on 2april.
who knows, alot of things changed after 2nd april
ya, i couldn't imagine that so many things could happen..

basically i was working,
yea, you guys will say,
" you work? yayaya i know i know, sit and play computer rite?"
i can no longer laugh and joke and say
"HEY, DONT PLAY LA.."

i will get very pissed, and fuck you up side down.
i don't wanna mention more..
really..

alot of things..
you wouldn't understand.
sometime, i don't know what i want either.
i don't know what is my next move,
i don't know what is my aim..
i can't see my future..

i really want to help mom..
when i see her so tired, so restless..
getting older and older..
heartaches.

part of me don't want to face the bloody fact,
the other part of me really wanna do something for her..
im in a fucking dilemma status.

you know,
alot of scene flash through my mind..
one of it is,
i keep asking myself,
" what am i doing now?"
i even think that studying now is like fucking wasting my time
like what's the point?
i cannot find any more reasons to study you know.
you guys study for passion, for future, for whatever shit.
what about me?

told mom the same thing yesterday ( yea i was back there)
she just ask me to hang on..
yea.. hang on..

i don't know how to express my feelings..
2010, i happened to know alot of things.
alot of great changes happened..
so stunned, so lost..
forget it..

happy birthday xx,
i hope u enjoyed the meals today!!
it burn a bloody big hole to my pocket la!!

love you forever machi!

i seldom blog at this timing, this very normal timing..
i thought i'd always blog at like 2am?3am?
cuz today overslept..
couldn't wake up so didn't go to mom's office..

12pm mom started waking me up..
i don't know why, just don't have the urge to wake up..
don't wanna open my eyes..
guess she gave up, and left..LOL.

yesterday night went prawning..
end up like some kind of gathering?
god brother from malacca came over, with his friend.
start to work under my family starting from today..
okay la he's here since last year.. but u know.. teenagers tend to make mistakes.
so he was sent back, now mom let him come back again..
hope he is more mature now, don't make really stupid mistakes again.
had a short talkie session with jem while i was prawning.
kinda confidential so shall not post it here.

home about 2plus.. approaching 3 i guess..
wash up, change to my pyjamas and ready to sleep..
suddenly heard dad screaming over the phone..
got so shock and faster went to check it out..
he's really drunk..
but some idiot choose to call at the wrong timing lor..
so kena until quite jialat sia that idiot..

ohh yeaah!
i mention in the previous post about PETS and DCW.
now i really hope she is single. please dont go steady with that DCW leader.
i thought he look quite handsome in the show sia..
but after that, when i read some articles and saw pictures online.
OMG, i really take back my words sia..
really.. no offense to DCW's fans.

so yawnns.
i had a really weird dream..
for the very first time, i really wanna go back to taiwan,
my hometown, where i belong.
i know its really random,
i mean my friends around me know that i hate that bloody country alot alot.
so much that i don't wanna go back for like so many years..
but..
i dunno why..

arhh.. forget it.
i won't go back so soon..
at least for the next 2 years..
at least complete my diploma first.. then we shall see..

BTW, im car-less now.
someone borrow it when i was not around.
kinda fed up.
forget it.

我還留在黑暗中守候,你卻已經遠遠離開
有過的快樂我都記得,回憶還旋轉著, 愛怎麼停了..
我想,我們都累了..